"You'll understand", she would say. "Someday, when you have kids of your own". I
remember hearing those words from my mom. And I remember the first time
the revelation hit me that she was right.
It was one of those times when my daughter asked me if she could go somewhere and do something I just didn't feel good about. I don't remember the exact circumstance, but I remember the feeling. I said "no" and had to not only suffer through the tears and hurt of a disappointed child, but also the recollection of my mom's words.
I was never one of those "because I said so" parents. I always tried to explain my reasoning, even if they never understood it. I recall the many times I tried to change my mom or dad's mind after they said their initial "no". They too, would explain their reasoning, but it was never good enough for me. If they said they didn't want me hanging around this or that kid, I assured them of that child's character. If they said they didn't feel like I'd be safe, I'd give them enough facts to underwrite an insurance policy. Adult supervision? Heck, they probably hired security! But my mom's intuition was stronger than anything I was selling, and she would end it with..."someday you'll understand. Someday, when you have kids of your own."
End of discussion.
By the time I had kids of my own I figured there would be no pulling the wool over my eyes. Although I'm sure they did more times than I'd want to know. And there were so many times I said no, gave my reasons and after the words and the sales pitches and the arguments and finally the tears of disappointment subsided, I would say those words and realize that I guess it is inevitable: women do eventually turn into our mothers! Whether it was the toddler years, the elementary school years, the teens or into college, I've learned parenting can leave you feeling pretty unpopular with your kids sometimes. Those times when you say no when they want a yes. Those times when they want approval, and you can't give it. You want them to understand that it is out of a complete and total unequivacle love that you are making the decision you are.
At different times my girls have told me that I am their best friend, and while I appreciate the sentiment behind those words because I know they are expressing the bond we have, I tell them I don't really want to be their best friend. I tell them they have plenty of friends, but they only have one mother. I earned that title, I'm proud of that title, and it's the most important role I have in life; so being a friend can be a sidebar. I'm their mom, and someday they'll understand how important that is.
Someday...when they have kids of their own.
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