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I was so excited the day I got my new phone. It did everything. It wasn't long before I had six full pages of colorful little icons, all representing some cool application, or apps. Some days it seemed that the last thing I needed the device for was talking to somebody.

Some of the apps came from friends, a simple search or just word of mouth. But my favorite one came from...well, I'm not really sure where it came from. I don't remember buying it or downloading it. I noticed it after I left that magic shop. The proprietor was showing me a trick that I was going to buy for a friend who dabbles in this sort of stuff. He made my phone disappear and located by calling my number, only to find the phone in my hip pocket. Still don't know how he did it. The guy never got within six feet of me, and I'm sure he never touched me.

Still the app looked pretty cool. It was a sonic generator of some kind. A series of sounds, tones and pops and fuzz, with a paragraph or two on the screen explaining that it can help with concentration, another about how this sound will unleash hidden energy or give a guy greater stamina. But the one I liked best was this quiet little set of tones. The explanation describes these sounds as mimicking what monks make while in deep meditation. I was stoked! It was just want I needed.

The first night I tried it was heaven. I put the ear-buds in, stretched out and hit the button. Gentle tones filled my head and I was able to concentrate on my breathing. Before I knew it there wasn't a care in the world. That boss of mine who kept making my life miserable, it was like he was never born. Before long I was fast asleep, and the next morning ready for a good day at work. It was a good day, too, because the boss never showed up. It wasn't like him, but there has been a lot of illness going around so we just went about our business. You know, it was the most productive day I can remember.

The next night my wife was nagging me about going to bed with, "all that noise in my head." She never did understand the stress I'm under. I must have been snoring or something that night, because the next morning she was gone. Probably went into her job early. She does that sometimes.

After that I kept using the sounds and I swear it works wonders. It takes me to a place where all is right with the world. My father-in-law kept calling because he hadn't heard from his daughter in days. I told him I was just as worried because she hadn't come home. He was really bugging me, but miraculously that stopped, too!

I'm telling you, this app is great. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm getting a full night's sleep. And I might have picked up the habit of sleepwalking. I noticed my shoes are muddy in the morning when I was sure they were clean the night before. But I'll take the trade-off for all the stress that's out of my life since I started meditating.

By the way, I know you've de-friended me on Facebook, and you've been Tweeting some pretty harsh stuff about me. There was a time when I might have gotten upset. Not anymore. I'll just keep you in mind tonight. Looking forward to some quality meditating with my cool new app.

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